Since my childhood in South Africa I have had a dream. This is my dream. In October 2007, the worlds most steely-nerved specimens will meet to attain dominance in the world of Rock, Paper and Scissors (Ching Chong Cha). Like Jean Claude van Damme in that movie with the blood, I hope to become the ultimate fighting champion. Unfortunately, my bank manager laughed at me when I told him what the loan application was for, and he was asking where the "cameras" were and shouting at his colleagues asking if they were "in on the gag". Silly man. It was when I walked out of the bank that fateful afternoon that I decided to seek sponsorship. Apparently Microsoft have some silly policy about sponsorship (and Bill Gates is NOT a friendly guy and nor, for that matter, are his lawyers). Likewise, Sony "aren't in the market for a sporting representative - team or otherwise". Lastly, the Church of England did not want to sponsor me because of some sort of pointless piece of legislation that wont allow them to support one child over another. I protested that the idea of entering the rps competition came to me in a dream with a burning bush and sheep, but to no avail. So, having exhausted all realistic avenues of sponsorship, I turn to you. For 1 pound/R15/$2 you can either buy a bacon sandwich, or you can help me become van Damme with the blood. Please let me be van Damme.